Friday, March 27, 2009
The Obama-Matic (TM) Content-Free Euphemism Generator [Fred Schwarz]
Sometimes you just have to hand it to the Obama administration. What better way to signal a new beginning than to rename the boring old War on Terror as the Overseas Contingency Operation? The phrase has an almost Dadaist purity, like that random-word spam we all used to get a few years ago. And you can’t deny that whenever anyone hears the phrase “Overseas Contingency Operation,” the first thing they’ll think of is a violent struggle against Islamic extremists. Either that or airline scheduling software.
Anyway, Obama is nothing if not ambitious, and he seems determined to extend his revolution to every area of life. That’s going to require a lot more Newspeak phrases. Yet think of all the hours that must have gone into devising “Overseas Contingency Operation”! Since it’s the duty of every citizen to help our president in this time of crisis, The Tank presents the Obama-Matic (TM) Content-Free Euphemism Generator (patent pending), to simplify the critically important job of governmental obfuscation. Simply pick one word apiece from columns A, B, and C, string them together, and you instantly have a one-size-fits-all Obama-compatible catch phrase — impressive-sounding, devoid of meaning, and entirely suitable for any concept that needs obscuring.
A B C
Multilateral Correction Mechanism
Interactive Development Procedure
Comprehensive Reaction Capability
Proactive Sovereignty Deployment
Worldwide Preemption Adjustment
Cross-cultural Resolution Process
Transnational Diversity Revision
Progressive Cooperation Facility
Universal Consensus Program
Un-Bush-like Totally-not-wimpy Solution
03/27 12:49 PMShare